The Ramblings of a Housecat

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Cat fishing


Miaow my little kitties,

Mew all, how ya doing? fleas all cleared up? good! I've been tempted for sometime to try a spot of fishing in next doors fish pond. I dont own a rod, so fashioned one out of a garden cane and spider web for fishing line (mew, I remember reading it's twice the strength of steel!!) I couldn't find a maggot for bait (and Ian wouldn't let be borrow his 'Wedding tackle' mew, mew!) so used a cheese and onion flavour pringle as a subsitute! So all kitted out I sneaked under the fence, stopped off for a 2 hour snooze on the way as a sunbeam hit me, and took position by the pond.
To be frank, I thought I might catch a Goldfish or two, but when I reeled in my first fish, imagine my shock to find it was a Turkey Zebra Fish!...I knew this was gonna be my lucky day, maiow! a Horse Mackerel was next, followed by a Sea Bass, a Red Snapper, a Blue Marlin, a Puffer Fish, a Seahorse, an Ocean Sunfish, a pale Chub, AND a Dorrado!! this was clearly a magical pool, miaow! After devouring the entire catch, I had to mew for hours for Ian to collect me! I was just too stuffed to move! Anyhoe, what a day, shame I stank of fish so much! when Donna came home, she was convinced it was her, mew! she spent 3 hours in a Dettol filled bath! I didn't have the heart to tell her and ruin her lazy soak in the bath! Well, mew, must dash still have fishbones stuck in my gullet, maiow!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, September 29, 2006

Animal Crossing Animals deserted!!


Miaow my little kitties,

I have some shocking news to report regarding Donna and Animal Crossing!! She has abandoned the Animals of donanook for the new game she bought - New Super Mario Bros. Oh she is so cruel and heartless, miaow!

I can tell you that Aurora (the cute penguin) is ill and requires medicine, Kody (the muscle man) is desparate for green furniture and depending on Donna, as for Drake (the tasty looking duck, yum, miaow!) was supposed to visit at 11pm last night AND where was Haggis Chops at 11pm? Yes, you guessed it - trying to play on New Super Mario Bros (and not doing very well I can tell you, miaow), Aurora was left without medicine and may need to be hospitalised.

I think I may have to either steal her Mario game card, or take to looking after the animals myself.

Oh she is soooooooo cruel.

Lov and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Ford Ka, an ode to Scarlet


Miaow dearest readers,

Trust you are all well, and upto date on your worming tablets? Well, I haven't been killed by Auntie Lizzie yet, mew, phew, she must have been to drunk to read the post! I'm saved! Today I have decided to dedicate my post to my bestest friend Scarlet, and spent all last night writting an "Ode to Scarlet" I hope you all like it, you'd better, hisssss!

Scarlet looks superb and majestic,
From sunny Clapham, "The talk of the town"
With colour red silky metallic,
Her dignity will grow on it's own

Even the rich appear to go for her,
Five geared, with mileage nearly 42,
Such ample space for shopping; seats as soft as fur,
She's the Ka that all the Audi TT's want to woo.

She stands so cute outside the house,
And glows with beauty, all appreciate,
She's the Ka to make a perfect spouse,
Witty and pretty, she's never late.

With Scarlet, any distance you can go,
Comfort, style, she can even sew!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Evil Cival Servant (Auntie Lizzie)


Miaow my avid readers,

Miaow, all, I can hold my forked tongue no longer! I have given Auntie Lizzie my word as a Cat not to identify her...mew so I cant! But she is an evil women, mew! I fear for my ninth life by just making this post, mewyooow! But an example of her scheming plotting mind, so typical of a senior Government offical must be told, miaow yiss!!
When she was a kitten, she took great pleasure in standing at the top of the stairs at her parents house, and screaming "Ian, stop it, owww, please dont hit me" she would have already pinched herself to show evidence of poor Ian's alledged crime! Mother used to run upstairs, comfort Lizzie, and punish poor Ian for nothing, mew! It is little wonder that Ian has grown up with a raft of mental health issues, and a fetish for latex and spandex, ohhh, mew!
I dread to think how she treats her staff and my bestest friend Scarlet, why, the poor car doesn't even have a car flap to use when it's cold outside! Anyhoe, the picture is an accurate likeness for Auntie Lizzie, I haven't broken my word by identifing her directly, but I'm sure some one will recognize her (with luck, the Government Minister she works for, mew!)...........come to think of it, Auntie Lizzie would make a great Cat! mew,mew,mew!
Anyhoe, gotta dash folks, just got to board up the front door, and hide in the shoe cupboard!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Cat Hair


Miaow my little kittens,

Having another lazy day today, not much happening in the suburban savanna today. Decicided to snooze on the bed until dusk, then nip out and nab a brace of mice, miaow!
I'm going through a good moult at the moment, everytime I scratch, a cloud of hair drifts into the air, cool, mew! I think Ian was dropping a hint when I found this poem left under my breakfast bowel this morning! Perhaps I should try some of Donna's 'Herbal Essence Shampoo' ya know, the one with the cool ad? when the women is giving it "yiss, ohhh yisss, yisss, Yissss! (sounds like Donna on a Sunday morning!! mew, meeyoo!)

Cat hair on the duvet,
Cat hair on the chair,
Cat hair in the casserole,
Cat hair EVERYWHERE!
Cat hair on my best coat,
Even on the Mice,
You live and eat and breathe Cat hair,
When Muffin shares your house.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, September 25, 2006

YOUR FIRED!!!!


Miaow my devoted readers,

YISS, YOUR FIRED!!!

Sorry about that shock, mew! Just to give you all a kick start up the ass on a Monday morning, mew,mew,!!!

Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Glasgow


Miaow my beloved readers,

Miaow, miaow, miaow miaow!!!! How exciting has my weekend been! The wonderful Donna had to fly to Glasgow yesterday for work (and to squeeze in a visit to her dad!) and GUESS WHAT?!? She took me with her!! Oh it was so exciting as I had no idea that she had hatched this plan. Oh she is soooooo wonderful, miaow.

The first clue I had was when I saw two bags sitting by the door as she was about to leave. She was about to get into the car to go to the airport, and then she told me to jmp in as I was going with her.

She though it would be a good excuse for me to research my family tree - I am afterall related to Robert the Bruce, miaow!

Anyhoe, we got to the airport and checked in, went through security and hit the duty free. Oh we had such fun in the make-up and perfume department. It made the fact that our flight was delayed all the more bearable, miaow!

The flight was rather pleasant, and we arrived in Glasgow to be greeted with blue skies and bright sunshine (no, I couldn't believe it either readers, miaow!). Donna then headed of to Annan and I headed into the city. Rather than trace my roots I hit the shops. I could not believe the number of designer stores - look out Daddy, this months credit bill will be astronomical, mew!

In the evening I hit the town and went dancing, and met myself a handsome cool cat called Hamish - ooh he was lovely, mew.

Sunday afternoon came too quickly, and it was soon time for Donna to finish at work and come collect me for our return journey home.

What more can I say but thank you Donna, you are so lovely (sometimes, miaow!)

Till next time.

Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Pet Spider


Miaow my avid readers,

I have never really quite managed to understand Donna and Ian (I speak Human, but that's not the point) During this very warm September the windows and patio doors (my tradesmans enterance, mew!) have been open a lot, as a result the house is full of Daddy Long Legs (and gawd only knows what else!!) We must of been putting 20 a night out recently. Of course I have done my bit, if I have been bored I've pounced on the odd one or two.
We also have lots of spiders! one in particular lives at the top of the patio window, and Ian keeps getting his face caught in the web all the time, mew, mew! Donna, being a short arse, doesn't suffer this problem! Anyhoe, they have learnt to tolerate this 8 legged monster, as they noticed that it's web is usually full of insects, so have allowed it to stay in situ, as Ian says "it's earning it's keep" I think that was aimed at me, miaow! They have even started to feed it!! ohh, yisss, I kid you not! they pop a couple of Daddy Long Legs in it's web each evening, boy does that spider shift quick when food hits it's web. They take great pleasure in watching it eat, all thats left by morning is a dried husk dropped on the floor. It even has a name now! Harriett, I ask you miaow!
Perhaps I'm parionoid, but are they planning to replace me with her! mew!! Well just in case I will be on best behavoir for a while to play safe! Well must dash folks, just going to buff up the kitchen floor with my tail, a cats work is never done, mew!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, September 22, 2006

Advice for kittens


Miaow my beloved readers,

Well after yesterdays hot sunshine, it's just been raining Dogs and Dogs today, retired to the bed to write some words of wisdom for my younger kitten readers. I have used Bagpuss as a picture, beacause he is without doubt the wisest and coolest cat I have ever met (we dated when we were younger, mew!) I hope and kittens reading this take note, these words of wisdom may save you much distress, and enrich your life at the same time, Miaow!

Beware bathtubs, they are tricky, and can get your paws wet without warning!

Miaowing gets treats from Humans.

Humans make great pillows, if you can stop them wriggling!

When crawling into tight spaces, keep an eye on the exit!

Moderation is for Mice; eat all the food in your bowl, and it'll be refilled.


Love and purrs.

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Hurricane Maria


Miaow my little kittens,

Hi guys, trust everyone well, no Ticks or Fleas? good! Here in good old Blighty we have been following the track of ex Hurricane Maria with interest, because although now downgraded to a Tropical Storm, it's making a bee line for us! Dire warnings were issued by the Met Office of winds gusting to 80/90mph....but anyhoe it just missed us! mew! as you can see from the map, it's now on a collision course with Iceland, STILL rated as a Tropical Storm. UNHEARD OF Miaow! As it happened we were on the warm side of the storm, and although very windy (I lost my Burbury Berret, mew!) we enjoyed cloudless skies and 30C (86F) unseasonably hot for late September. As a matter of interest, we are currently running at 4c above our September average, mew phew! what on earth is happening to the weather?
Well gotta dash folks, my cat milk is turning sour in all this heat. Perhaps I jumped the gun in putting the central heating on, as it's the first day of Autumn?

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Arctic Webcam!


Miaow my little kittens,

http://www.svein-nordahl.com/webcamlyb-01.htm

Hope your all well, and no one has fleas or furballs! You REALLY must check out this web cam from the land of my origin Svalbard (Spitzbergen) in the Arctic ocean. It is situated in the port of Longyearbyen. I lived there for a year whilst involved in a a Catnip smuggling ring, mew! At nearly 80 degrees north, it claims to be the most northerly web cam in the world ( if you look closley, bottom left on the archived picture from September 2004, you can just see me disemboweling an Elk, Miaow) Please check it out, it is addictive.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Mouser Muffin


Miaow my little furballs,

Mew all, spent a very pleasant day in the garden today, half shade and half sun, purrfect! Perchance some rustling alerted my feline senses to MICE!, seeing I was soooo comfortable, and mice are at there most active dawn and dusk, I decided to investigate later (why waste a sunny warm day?)

Anyhoe, later in the evening, we were all having supper, Donna and Ian had Toad in the Hole, I had my usual plate of of Honey roast turkey. We all eat on the floor, using a free newspaper as a tablecloth, or the Times if we are feeling posh or eating Tesco Finest. Miaow, you may wonder why we eat on the floor, well since the fire (ahem!) we dont have a table, just a breakfast bar (which will not accomadate Donna's ample frame, let alone Ian's at he same time, mew!) As soon as I see that paper go down, I camp on it, sometimes upto an hour and wait for my supper.

After wolfing mine down, it was a comment made, "She came, she ate, she went" that made me remember the mice! I'm often accused of contributing nothing to the house except Furballs, vomit, and bad odours, miaow! cutting! So I saw this as golden chance to pop some food on the table for the guys. I stalked back to where I had heard the rusting (after changing into a camoflage catsuit first!) and behold...a nest of field mice...ohh joy! caution thrown to the wind, I bellyflopped onto the nest, and picked a mid sized, rather dazed mouse, clasped it tightly between my gums, and proudly took my prey to the dinner table (ahem newspaper!) Ohh how I laughed as Ian congratulated me, and Donna reeled back in Horror yelling "Muffins got a mouse!" mew, mew! Ian lifted the mouse by the tail, to check if it was still alive, at once I snatched it back, Miaow, it was just a symbolic act, not for sharing!! The mouse was later found on the patio, sucked and gummed to death. I did redeem myself with Donna later, by pouncing on two Daddy Long Legs in the lounge (I normally ignore these, but was still feeling playfull, Miaow!) Donna hates them, and even said I was a "good Cat!) Miracles never cease!

Anyhoe, must dash folks, still have my copy of National Geographic to read (big section on Tigers this month! I still need a new poster to cut out for the inside of the shoe cupboard now that Tom Cat is history....meeewwwwl!!!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, September 18, 2006

Cat Haiku (dedicated to Scarlet)


Miaow my cultered readers,

Miaow all! I hope you will forgive me indulging in some Haiku for you today (it's becomming a regular monday feature, mew!) These little works of Feline art are dedicated to my bestest friend Scarlet, purr! who I didn't have a chance to call last night, due to, umm?? yiss a blizzard, ahem! Cant wait to hook up soon Scarls honey.


The rule for today-
Touch my tale, I'll shred your hand,
New rule tommorrow!

Grace personified
I leapt into the window
I meant to do that.

My small cardbord box
You can not see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Truth


Miaow my loyal kittens,

Well Haggis Chops finally dragged herself home just after noon today - the dirty stop-out, miaow!

She told me that they went for a drink and then some yummy Chinese food at The Imperial (her favourite restaurant) and after that they decided to go to one of the sleazier clubs in town for dancing. She is still denying that she had tickets to see the Hunken-Dales, BUT I know better!! Yiss!

However, all was (almost, miaow) forgiven as she brought the beautiful Abi with her for a visit to see Auntie Muffin. She certainly knows the buttons to press for me to believe her, miaow! Never fear, further investigations will be taking place, miaow - I'm thinking truth serum and lie detector tests. Jut remember Donna "The Truth Will Out".

I had to send Ian out to the shops immediately to buy Abi the kitten hat she is wearing in the photo - how cute is she, miaow. Takes after Auntie Muffin don't you think?

Until tomorrow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Male strippers


Miaow dearest readers,

Well the truth is out about Donna now, Miaow! She had told Ian she was going for a Chinese meal with work colleagues, to celebrate a birthday, AND may not be back until SUNDAY morning!! mew? My feline senses at once smelt Haddock (and it wasn't Donna's bum!), augmented by Donna asking to borrow a litre of Swarfega, as she'd run out of Baby oil, so before she left I decided to check her handbag...tickets for the 'Hunken-Dales'! Miaow! Ohh, the liar! Being a responsible cat, I slipped a pack of Condoms into her bag, just 'in case'. Well... down the stairs she came, made up like a painted Russian doll, with a plunging top that exposed her belly button fluff! (wonder where she got that, mew!) and off she went! leaving an arthritic old Cat and a 40 something year old hopeless male to fend for themselves. NO food had been left for us, mew! so we had to cope on our own. After 2 hours, we managed to get the lid off a pot of garlic, and wolfed it down with a mug of water from the toilet bowl, Mmm, Miaow!..NOT! Anyhoe, we got a text message from Donna at 1130pm, expressing undying love, blah, blah, blah, to be frank, she must of been so drunk at the time, we couldn't read most of it, mew!
We retired to bed, and slept fitfully, worried sick about her. When we woke at 9.00am, SHE still wasn't home, well... Just another text sent at 4.30am, expressing, hmm, something, we couldn't read a word...guilty as charged Miaow! I took the liberty of changing all the keys (in hindsight, maybe I should have changed the locks?) Ohhh, that hussey... she wasn't setting foot in my manor again! Must dash folks, Ian has managed to get the lid off a tube of pringles for breakfast, Yaaay!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, September 15, 2006

Hot or not?


Miaow my avid readers,

Thought I'd treat you to a picture of Ian, on Holiday in Tunisa, (note the relaxed look, he hadn't met Donna yet, Miaow!! Hot or Not???

Love and Purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Hailstorm


Miaow my avid readers,

What a day, Miaow! I was enjoying a pleasant snooze in in the garden, keeping a close eye on a pesky Grey Squirrel that's moved into my Manor (economic migrant from the USA, I presume, mew!) Out of know where, the sky turned as black as Donna's mood (and magic) a little light rain began to fall, then the hevens unleashed a 10 minute torrent of huge hail stones. I had of course packed my brolly and wellies for such sudden inclement weather, but such was the size of the hail, I could only run for the cat flap, leaving my copy of "OK Cat Hello" behind, Sudoku half finished! By the time I got Indoors, I looked like a Slush Puppy! I spent the next hour combing Ice the size of Melons out of my glossy fur (have to book another session at 'A Cat above the Chav Salon) Knowing that ice is actually for sale in bags in supermarkets, it seemed a shame to waste it! Donna commented on how unusal her Single Malt Scotch in the rocks (in a pint tumbler, mew!) tasted, even accused me of watering it down with 'Kitty Malt' Miaow!!
Must dash folks, just going to skulk around the street, not that I'm looking for Tom Cat and Blossom (Feline tart) Hissssss!!!!!! Ps the Doves finished the Sudoku!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin Willow xxx

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Tesco Cat food, yummy!!


Miaow my avid readers,

I was going to do a taste test on various Cat foods for you today.....But there is ONLY one cat food!! ohh, Miaow yiss! Tesco Finest, available in tender chicken breast, or Tuna varieties. Each contains over 70% real meat, compared to the normal 4%, with a mix of Vitamins and minerals to keep me in tip top shape.
Both Donna and Ian will vouch for the quality of taste, Ian has used it in curry's, and Donna eats it cold out the tin, yum! So forget the rest, and buy the best!!!

This post was sponsored by Tesco Stores Ltd, Ware Hertfordshire, Uk. WWW.TESCO.COM

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Creation (according to a Cat)


Miaow my loyal kittens,

While digging a hole in next doors prize flower bed for my morning abolutions, mew, I stumbled across an old stone tablet! after a vigorous clean with Donna's Cashmere sweater, I was able to read the carved writting, and unearth the real truth behind Creation, and the hand of God!!! The stone tablet read as follows (must admit, it didn't surprise me at all!)


On the first day of creation, God created the Cat...On the second day of creation, God created man to serve the Cat...On the third day of creation, God created all the animals of the world to serve as potential food for the Cat...On the fourth day of creation, God created honest toil, so the man could labour for the Cat...On the fifth day of creation, God created the Catnip ball so the Cat may play or not play with it...On the sixth day of creation, God created Veterinary Science to keep the Cat healthy and the Man broke...On the seventh day God tried to rest, but he had to scoop out the litter box... Yisss, it's a Cats world after all!...Amen

Love and Purrs.

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, September 11, 2006

Poetry in motion


Miaow my little kittens,

Miaow, another fab late summers day, hot and sunny, but have my Brolly with me in case of thunderstorms! mew!! Just had a Full on groom last night, dont want to ruin my silky smooth coat!

As the purrfect example of feline purrfection, I've noticed that I dont get the adoration that I deserve, mew! So, the solution came to me last night while playing twister on the bottom of the bed with Donna's legs (think she was dreaming she was pole dancing, AND, with that figure, Miaow!) I would write my own poem to celebrate my undoubted glory. It's called "Muffin-Willow, our God" I do hope you enjoy it, if not, just hit the Next Blog button you uneducated, cultureless chavs, hissss!

I know I was designed to be
Adored by all who encounter me
With glossy fur and opal eyes
My glory's sure to mesmerize
Those hapless Humans who think that
A Dogs a Dog; a Cats a Cat
will surely come around to see
The Miracle thats me.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sunday, September 10, 2006

No More Photos, PLEASE!!


Miaow my beloved readers,

Oh what a wonderful day I have had looking after Abi! We had such fun teaching her the ways of a kitten.

We pounced and chased, we ate food and snoozed - what more could a kitty ask for? She is such a wonderful, perfect student.

The only problem of the day was that Donna and Ian kept taking her photo, and there comes a point in the kitty day when you have to say "no more photos!", miaow. They can be very exhausting.

Must dash folk, one final task to teach Abi - how to catch her own antelope and deliver the coup de grace!!!


Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Shooting Star


Miaow my cosmic readers,

Had a fab lazy kitty day, enjoying the late summer sunshine, lots of moths and Daddy Long Legs to amuse me at this time of year. Really excited about Abi's visit tomorrow (she'll have the skills of a Panther cub when she leaves my tutorage!) and no, I didn't forget the Rusk flavour Pringles for Abi!
Ian got dreadfully excited last night, as he saw 9 shooting stars (Wishy the Star) on his Animal crossing game. You normally see one a night if your lucky. Ian thought the game had a glitch and sat transfixed for over an hour with his finger poised over the 'A' button to wish on ths plague of stars, expecting a rare gift for each one. His face was a picture this morning when he checked his mailbox and only had one gift.. a skeleton! mew! Must dash now folks, still got lots to get ready for Abi's visit (Hmm, will I need extra Swarfega and No More nails I wonder?) Miaow!

Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, September 08, 2006

I'm Sooooooooooo Excited!!


Miaow beloved readers,

Ohh, I am soooo excited today, miaow! Abi sent me a text this afternoon to see if I would look after her on Sunday while David and Kim decorate her bedroom. What else could I say but YAAAAY!!

Donna is collecting her at 11.30am, so my duties will commence at approximately noon!

I have decided that we will spend some of the day teaching her how to be a kitten - well she is the most gorgeous kitten already, even if I say so myself, miaow. We will spend some time in the garden honing her hunting skills, I have decided that we will use my mouse on a string and run around with it for her to catch and teach her to stalk and pounce on her prey, miaow!!

After a late lunch, its turkey for me and Abi is quite partial to banana's at lunchtime, I shall get Donna and Ian to take us to the shops. We can at last take advantage of the Parent and Child Parking spaces at Tesco. Why don't they have Parent and Cat Parking, mew?

After a jaunt around Tesco, with all of my adoring public staring at Abi (rather than me! but for once I won't mind, miaow) we will come home and have a snooze. Once the snooze is over, I shall test her on her hunting skills to see if she has taken in anything I taught her. I know she will as she is so clever - well she is related to me, miaow!

Unfortunately she will need to be home for six, in time for her dinner and bathtime. I will of course ensure that she is returned safely(and odour free!) to David and Kim.

Well I must dash folks, I need to start making the house kitten-proof.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Plastic surgery!


Miaow my little luvvies,

Miaow all, I recieved a distressing comment from my bestest friend Scarlet (see my post 6th August) she was most upset that I had indicated that Donna was now my bestest friend. Miaow, I must clarify the situation, I dictated my last couple of posts to Donna, who in an attempt to paint herself in a brighter light misquoted me, Hisss, slander queen!!! mew! SCARLET IS MY BESTEST FRIEND and I love her to death, weight problems and mental health issues and all, mew! Now Scarlet has long fancied a nip and tuck, and a course of Botox. I have used a CAD program to show how she will look after a course of treatment at Poodle and Peke Cosmetics (registered for tax purposes in the Caymen Islands, Ivory Coast law applies) As long as dear Scarlet loves the new image, I'll book the treatment on Donna's Gold AMEX, miaow! I do hope she'll forgive this misunderstanding, mew, mew. Must dash, Donna's having a bath, and I'm sure some caustic soda and bleach will enhance her bathing experience, hiss!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Animal Crossing rainbow


Miaow avid readers,

Yesterdays shopping was a great success, I borrowed (stole, ahem) Ian's credit card and bought myself a sleek Nintendo DS Lite and my own copy of Animal Crossing. I have decided to see for myself what all the fuss is about, miaow!

My land is full of beautifull prey, although none as beautiful as me, miaow! Imagine my joy on my first day in my town called "Feline deminia" (or should that be Alice?!) that I was given the honour of a beautiful rainbow. I have heard that rainbows only appear once a year, how lucky was I to have my cam-phone (complete with blue-tooth, Irad, 3G, wi-fi, and a 120gb hard drive) to honour this rare event? mew.

I had to take the picture so that Ian and Donna would believe me, that they are not so lucky as I am, miaow.

Oh what fun I have been having shaking trees, catching fish (with one paw, of course, miaow!) and generally bossing my residents around and playing Queen of the Kingdom. ...............

Charley Farley look out, I will become a biger megalomaniac than you!!

Must dash, there are butterflies to be caught!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Object of My Desire


Miaow my dearest readers,

I am pleased to let you know that today I am hangover free, miaow! Never again!

Ohh, I was so glad that Donna came home from Wales last night so that we could have a cat to woman chat about my partee problems, she is so lovely and understanding (sometimes, miaow!).

I have posted a picture of Ginger Tom (my own work, miaow!), the cause of all my pain and upset. I have not seen him or Blossom since the partee and a good thing to, I can tell you. Donna tells me that revenge is best left to stew for a while and oh how sweet it will be when the time comes, miaow. All I can say is "Blossom you better watch your Missoni catsuit and Miu Miu matching shoes and bag".

Anyhoe, I must dash, Donna and I are off to Starbucks for coffee and then having a girlie shopping expedition. Oh what a wonderful girl she is!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, September 04, 2006

Hangover


Miaow dear readers,

Mew, suffering the after effects of yesterdays Vodka binge, so just a mini post today, maiow. My head feels like it's full of a thousand hyperactive kittens chasing a ball of wool, and my poor tummy feels like a cement mixer filled with shedded claws, ohhh mewl!
One thing I'm sure of, is that, that, wanton floozy kitty Blossom will shortly be losing one of her nine lives, TART! Must dash, time for another 'Hair of the dog' ps at least I can spell my name today! Normal service will resume tommorrow.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Partee (3) it's here!!


Miaow my little kittens,


Hic! hi all, my partee was a disaster, in fact one of the worst days of my nine lives. My distress is such that I have had to borrow Donna's super secret bottle of Vodka (hidden in the kitchen waste pipe!) Hic! just to upset to tell you about it, so have written a song to sum up my feline depair. I've called it "It's my Partee" I'll just down this Vodka shot and begin, hic!

No kitty knows where my Tom Cat has gone
But Blossom left the same time
Why was he holding her paw?
When he's supposed to be mine
It's my partee and I'll mewl if I want to
Miaow if I want to, yowl if I want to
You would hiss too, if it happened to you
Trash all my toys, keep eating all night
But let me hide away for a while
Til Tom Cats smooching with me, I've got no reason to purr
It's my partee and I'll mewl if I want to
Miaow if I want to, yowl if I want to
You would hiss too, if it happened to you
Blossom and Tom Cat just barged through my flap
Like a Queen withe her Tom
Oh, what a partee surprise
Blossom's wearing his bell
It's my partee and I'll mewl if I want to
Miaow if I want to, yowl if I want to
You would hiss too, if it happened to you.

Appologies to to Bryan Ferry, or who ever owns the copycat, hic, sorry, copyright. Retiring to bed now, to drink myself to sleep, Hurrrgh, feel sick!

Love and tears, hic!

Miffin-Wallop xxx

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Wind Farm aids hunting!!


Miaow dearest kittens,

Well today was the day of the great Buffalo migration! Each year on the 1st Sat in September, these huge prey make the move from Woburn Abbey back to the plains of the Africa. It's a time of bounty for a born killer such as moi! The leader of the Buffalo herd, Billy, has a worse sense of direction than Donna when drunk! He cant use map, and a compass is somthing you find on a ship...duh miaow.
As usual the pack headed due Northeast, as opposed to Southeast, heading not for the channel tunnel, but nearby Great Addinginton. During this 20 mile excursion, the herd have to make the life threatening passage across the raging torrents of the mighty river Nene (pronounced 'Nen' to us local humans and Cats) It is normally at this point they realise the wrong turn they have made and head back to Woburn via nearby Rushden. To far for me, miaow! an hour on the no 47 bus! BUT this year....they built a wind farm at Great Addington, and turbines point at us! (maybe a plan to cool down the summers!) The moment the Buffalo had made it across the raging Nene, they were caught in the airflow of 14 huge turbines, already weak, they were blown back acrosss the river and straight towards Raunds, imagine my exitement!! across the fields they blew like tumble weeds in the desert. A gusty Westerly wind made things even better, as they were diverted right up my street. I was like a kitten in a wool shop! where to start? in the end I picked a target, ohh, about a 2 ton male I'd guess (ahem!) wiggled my pert booty to line myself up..AND POUNCE! I delivered the coup de grace and within seconds, this mobile beefburger on hoofs was dead. I dragged my kill into the garden, lightly seasoned it with sea salt, black pepper, and ranch sauce and tucked in. Ohh miaow how I made a pig of myself, ate the lot, except for the left haunch, which I popped into the freezer for the Ian and Donna. I also saved the entrails, they will be ideal for pate for tommorows partee!! so sneaked them inside and crammed them in the fridge salad drawer to keep fresh. What a fab day, Miaow everyday should be like this, mew!
The last I heard of the remaining Buffalo was that they came to halt at Stansted, and have booked flights with Easy Jet to Cairo, I suppose they will walk from there.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, September 01, 2006

Weather report August.


Miaow beloved readers,

In my once a month ' I'm not just a pretty face' post, I will now thrill you with Ian's monthly weather summary for August (Yawn, mew!)
After the instense heat of July, August felt like October at times, I certainly spent much of the month dodging the showers and brisk Northwest wind (Ahh the joys of my cat sofa, and South facing french windows)
Imagine my feline surprise when Ian told me it was about as 'near to average' August as you can get! I suppose after July, a week in a sauna in a thermal catsuit would feel cool, mew! It was also the coolest and wettest August since 1999, guess we have all been spoilt by global warming! Anyhoe, the bottom line figures were as follows..
Average maximum 20.5C, average minimum 12.5C, mean 16.5C (-0.1C) rainfall 66mm (+38%) sunshine was 5% above long term average (thank the Cat Gods most of the rain fell overnight!)
Hope you found that interesting, better than watching Richard and Judy, mew! I'll be back tommorrow with the usual madcap feline antics. Must dash, have to check the rain gauge for Ian! ( I do kinda enjoy the weather, useful for honing hunting tactics, purr!!!!!!)

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx