The Ramblings of a Housecat

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Donna home early!!


Miaow beloved readers,

My partee was a disaster, Donna arrived home Wednesday evening, not Thursday! Ian said he did advise me, but I was too self absorbed in licking my bottom to pay attention. The partee was just getting into full swing, the Bolly was flowing, the Pringles well recieved, and my spangled hot pants were the talk of all the boys. The Vicar was chatting to Mrs Moody about 'Dogging' (walking tips for dogs one presumes). Farmer Sheepshank was talking to Mr Guffy about 'Cottaging' (discussing allotments??) AND me and next doors Tom were smooching (Mmmm!)
The sound of a lound, drunken Scottish voice sent the fear of gawd through me! I peeped out the window and my worst fears were confirmed. As Donna was struggling to get the hotel mini bar she had stolen out of her car boot, I sensed I had a couple of minutes to act. All the guests were thrown into the garden, and told to hurdle 2 hedges down the street to the safety of main road (poor Vicar, at 93yrs old he had to crawl under the hedges!) all the Bolly and munchies were swept under the rug (never get noticed, It's Donna's Idea of housework!) A noise upstairs alerted my feline senses...Arrrgh Silas, the inbred kitten had gate crashed the partee! AND was armed with a Cat-lashneekov ex Soviet rifle!! I tried to reason with Silas, he just pointed the gun at me, and then lined Donna up in his sights once more. Some strange instinct took over...I dashed down the stairs, through the cat flap, and flung myself in front of Donna (just like the 'Body Guard', except Donna cant sing, and Ian is better looking than Kevin Costa-wots-his-name) A pop echoed round the street, a thump in my chest, as I landed in Donna's arms. My life flashed before my eyes, that must be my nine lives used up! I glanced down expecting to see my life blood draining away, Ohhh but miracle! the bullet had hit my 'Blue Peter badge (and in the process dislodged that stubbon furball!) I glanced to the window, Silas had fled...Yaaaay!
Donna was unaware of all of this, and just thought I had jumped into her arms through happiness at seeing her. I suppose I learnt a valuable lesson. When push comes to shove, Donna is family, and I'd put my life on the line for her.
Almost forgot to mention, those pesky Doves tried to gate crash the partee, but flew into the closed patio windows rendering themselves unconscious, MIAOW revenge is sweet. Must dash folks, my bullet proof Cat suit just arriving via Fedex!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

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