The Ramblings of a Housecat

Monday, August 28, 2006

Constipation!!!


Miaow dearest, avid readers,

I can only just bring myself to write this post, but the public has a right to know! Ian has been suffering with constipation for over a week, eight days without a, err, poop poop! (he once went thirteen days poop free on holiday in Florida!) Being a man, and obsessed with his bowel habits, he has given poor Donna a running account of events for the last week. When yesterday he mentioned that his bowels were grumbling, Donna was on her way pronto to her mothers for a few hours on the Sloe Gin.
I resisted the temptation to flee anywhere! and decided to be there for Ian in his moment of need. I prepared lots of towels, boiling water, Pringles (it could be a long wait!) and Dettol. I sat outside the toilet door while Ian positioned himself on his Royal throne, and took a deep intake of breath to ready himself for the inevitable agony to come. I will spare you the details (this is a highbrow BLOG you know miaow!) surfice to say when the 'motion' was passed 10 minutes later, it sounded like someone dropping a ten pin bowling ball off a diving board into a swimming pool!! The local news later reported a small earthquake, as windows and doors rattled in the nearby Village!
I just couldn't resist a quick peek (scientific research only!) Ohh my Gawd... I called the Vicar without delay, this 'thing' needed a name and the last rites performed before being flushed (if the drainage system would take it) The Vicar couldn't attend, I forgot he was still in hospital after my recent Partee! So I said a little kitty prayer, and named it 'Furball' before it was flushed (kinda like being burried at sea!) Well! did Ian feel better, ten pounds lighter too! I remain convinced that Furballs caused the problem, and will start mixing the remedy in with his coffee with immediate effect!
I promise my normal quality, cultured reading will return tommorrow. Must dash folks, Donna's sent me to clean the toilet pan again, MAIOW!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo M, ya shud have sent him for colonic irrigation!! Kxxx

2:18 PM  

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