The Ramblings of a Housecat

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Hide and Seek


Miaow avid, loyal readers,

Decided to play Hide and Seek with next doors Ginger Tom today as there was nothing else going on! I drew the short straw, so Tom got to hide first and I had to count to 10.

Managed to get to 2 (miaow) and go seek. Tom had decided to hide in the apple tree, what problems I had getting up that trunk to find him. There was nothing else for it but to get out the No More Nails to help get a grip on the trunk. I liberally smeared the trunk with the No more Nails and took a run at it. Disaster struck, mew! I managed to get half way up the trunk before it took hold and Tom had to call for the local Fire Brigade to come and rescue me!

Along they came with lights flashing and sirens blaring, I almost wet myself with the excitement of all those hunky men in uniform, miaow! They eventually rescued me with the help of a hydraulic lift and several hoses, but I'm ok. Well apart from losing a couple of my claw exensions (especially for the partee on Sunday) but I'm off to the Claw Bar tomorrow to get them repaired.

You will be happy to hear that they have all agreed to pop over on Sunday to nibble on a few Pringles.

Well I must dash, its my turn to hide and won't be hiding up the apple tree, miaow!

Till next time dear readers.

Love and purrs,

Mufin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

House Partee (2)


Miaow my beloved readers

Just found out today that Haggis Chops has to go to Cwmbran on Sunday for work and will have to stay overnight!! Let the partee plans begin - yay!!

She has to leave early on Sunday morning, so I have the whole day to arrange the Pringles and decide which outfit to wear (shall I go for early autumnal or a last stab at summery? decisions, decisions - miaow)

Of course you are all invited, however I am not sure that the vicar will be able to make it. He is still in hospital following the last partee and, of course Sunday is his busy day - miaow!

Haggis has never been to Wales before (and it being the land of her ancestors, talk about multi-cultured, miaow!), so I imagine it will be educational for her. Of course, I have already started to write my present list and no it doesn't include sheep, mew! (except wool!)

Must dash folk, need to fluff up the angora cushion on my lovely new sofa. Ohh... how I love a bit of wool sucking, I'm sure there is a nipple in there somewhere, miaow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Haiku's of the Cat


Miaow luvvies,


Still feeling a little ill after yesterdays post, so have decided to treat us all to another small selection of Haiku, written in my leather bed last night.


I only want you
To pay attention to me
When I want you to.

It's five in the morn.
With purrs and whisker tickles
I wake my daddy.

How embarrassing!
To be gracefull and refined,
Then fall from my perch.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, August 28, 2006

Constipation!!!


Miaow dearest, avid readers,

I can only just bring myself to write this post, but the public has a right to know! Ian has been suffering with constipation for over a week, eight days without a, err, poop poop! (he once went thirteen days poop free on holiday in Florida!) Being a man, and obsessed with his bowel habits, he has given poor Donna a running account of events for the last week. When yesterday he mentioned that his bowels were grumbling, Donna was on her way pronto to her mothers for a few hours on the Sloe Gin.
I resisted the temptation to flee anywhere! and decided to be there for Ian in his moment of need. I prepared lots of towels, boiling water, Pringles (it could be a long wait!) and Dettol. I sat outside the toilet door while Ian positioned himself on his Royal throne, and took a deep intake of breath to ready himself for the inevitable agony to come. I will spare you the details (this is a highbrow BLOG you know miaow!) surfice to say when the 'motion' was passed 10 minutes later, it sounded like someone dropping a ten pin bowling ball off a diving board into a swimming pool!! The local news later reported a small earthquake, as windows and doors rattled in the nearby Village!
I just couldn't resist a quick peek (scientific research only!) Ohh my Gawd... I called the Vicar without delay, this 'thing' needed a name and the last rites performed before being flushed (if the drainage system would take it) The Vicar couldn't attend, I forgot he was still in hospital after my recent Partee! So I said a little kitty prayer, and named it 'Furball' before it was flushed (kinda like being burried at sea!) Well! did Ian feel better, ten pounds lighter too! I remain convinced that Furballs caused the problem, and will start mixing the remedy in with his coffee with immediate effect!
I promise my normal quality, cultured reading will return tommorrow. Must dash folks, Donna's sent me to clean the toilet pan again, MAIOW!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sunday, August 27, 2006

My Own Sofa


Maiow dearest readers,

Well Donna and Ian went shopping today and was all for moi!! Well apart from Donna's vodka and a little bit of food to stave off their hunger pangs.

The best purchase that the made was my very own real faux leather (antelope, I believe) sofa with its own real faux wool cushion (angora, I believe). Its so lovely how Armani were able to come up with something that the current furniture in the lounge was able to co-ordinate with - it would all have had to go otherwise, miaow.

It is so comfortable - more than the chair behind it ever was.

It just goes to prove that for all their faults (believe me, there are lots of them) they really do have their good points (don't they?)

Well I must dash - I need to check that the food and milk and treats that they have bought me are up to standard!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Long Grass


Miaow devoted readers,

This is the latest picture of me in the savannah that is our back garden. It has started to green up again with all the rain we have had this month (50.5mm to be precise) and the humans have been so lazy that they haven't been out to cut it yet. Another job for Cinderella I suppose, miaow!

However, for all their failings in the garden department (and the house isn't much better I can tell you, miaow!), it proves very good for stalking wild animals. I spent most of the morning waiting for an elusifve wildebeest but with no joy - perhaps they are night creatures (unlike myself - I prefer to spend my nights on the bed).

Perhaps I will have better luck tomorrow.

Till then dear friends.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, August 25, 2006

Fixing The Central Heating


Miaow devoted readers,

Brrrrr, it was so chilly today when I was left home alone (AGAIN, miaow!) that I had to put the central heating on. How inconsiderate of Donna to have taken all of her angora sweaters to the cleaners!

Unfortunately Ian has had to put child proof locks on the temperature gauge as Donna always turns it up too high - you wouldn't think she would feel the cold what with her being Scottish!! So, what else was Muffin to do but get out the vaseline and No More Nails!! What joy I had using the vaseline to remove the locks (well no-one said they were cat-proof, miaow!) and the No More Nails to put everything back together again!

Must dash folks, need to clear up the evidence before the humans get home.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Dedicated to Donna


Miaow dedicated readers,

I decided it would only be fair to dedicate a post to Donna today, as I dedicated one to Ian yesterday, miaow!

So I have decided to dedicate this to Donna's problem with alcohol (one mouth, two hands, miaow!).

As well as her knickers in her vodka drawer (hee hee!) and vodka in the freezer, I found her beer supply in the toilet cistern! How did I find this you are asking? Well as you know I am treated like Cinderella in this house and todays job was to clean the bathroom with a toothbrush (Donna's of course, miaow), including the inside of the toilet cistern.

What a quandary I am in, do I tell Ian of my latest find or do I go for some serious blackmail with Donna (well the autumn designer catsuit collections are about to hit Harvey Nicks).

Tell me what you think dearest readers, I promise to go with the majority view.

Till next time dear friends.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Dedicated to Ian.


Miaow dear readers,

Feeling loved up today, so have written a poem describing how I felt when Ian and I first met at the Cat Protection Shelter......Ahem....

Cant you hear my Miaow as you walk on by?

In my cage I dream and long for a loving home,

I will purr in your lap, not alone in the alley I used to roam,

Oh please dont leave without me today,

I'll give you love, laughter, and in Kitty language will chat,

You stopped to open my cage, and you can almost hear me say,

Thanks for choosing me, one tired and lonley rescue cat.

Love and Purrs.

Muffin-Willow

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Green grass



Miaow loyal readers,

We have green grass again! So much kinder on my delicate paws! The picture on the left is from my post "Heatwave" from 17th July, during the hottest Month recorded in the U.K. We had only had 3mm of rain in the previous 7 weeks. The picture on the right, taken today shows Englands green and pleasant land has returned! (excuse the bin bags, all Donna's empty Vodka bottles) This follows 70mm of rain in the last 3 weeks.
Of course it has it's downsides, I'm forever dashing for cover as the thunderclouds gather, but thank gawd that awfull heat has gone. More like October now. Gotta dash folks, must dig out my thermals!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, August 21, 2006

Potato snacks


Miaow dearest, avid readers.

I'm sorry guys, but I'm on my 'High Horse' today. My regular readers will know that I am not adverse to a particular brand of 'Dehydrated, reformed potato snack' of the circular variety, I cant mention the name for fear of legal action being taken for libel or slander, but this snack bears the same brand name as a popular jumper, rhymes with Dingles, and the picture possibly may give a clue to the sharp minded!!
Imagine my joy when Donna purchased a pack of the above mentioned snack, in their new 'GOURMET' range! my mouth was drooling at the thought of Tiger Prawn and crushed Garlic flavour, Mmmmm! The packet portrayed cloves of Garlic, and a net which I presumed refered to the Tiger Prawns. I couldn't wait to be offered some, so distracted Donna with a glass of Polish Vodka and popped the pack (I really had the munchies still, following my over indulgence on the Skunk Catnip!) I crammed about 5 in my delicate mouth, waiting for Tiger Prawn and crushed Garlic to caress my taste buds.....WHAT!! darn things tasted like glorified Prawn Cocktail flavour!! not the Gourmet snack I had expected.
WELL, I read the ingredients at once, I was shocked. I wont list the full contents (you'll be reading E numbers for an hour....Miaow!) just the flavourings
3xflavour enhancers, monsodium glutamate, disodium guanylate, and disodium inosinate. Garlic flavour, onion powder, citric acid, and paprika extract. Kinda reads like the ingredient list for Prawn cocktail methinks, abeit with Garlic flavour!
If you happen to read this PROCTOR AND GAMBLE, you've just lost a loyal cat customer. Ohh and if you try to sue, dont forget I'm a cat, not a legal entity, also cats are not classed as chattles like daft dogs, so you couldn't sue my owners, as they are not responsible for me, or own me, mew,mew,mew. Well must dash guys, cos once you've popped you just cant stop!!!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Bug-Off!!



Miaow loyal readers,

Well the children spent most of their afternoon playing on Animal Crossing. Their excuse?? It was the Bug-Off competition and there were trophies to be won. Please!!!!!!! its not real it's a game!!

Haggis Chops won in her "world" with a 102mm Tiger Butterfly ( her second trophy,Whoooo!!). The lovely Ian came in second in his "world" (lost by 2mm, mew,mew,mew!!) and promptly threw all his toys out of the pram and faked a migraine and retired to bed!!

I though what a lovely idea and promptly joined him on Donna's side of the bed (of course!). Well she did have the ironing to do - I hope she got the catnip stains out of my bestest Prada catsuit or else there will be trouble (miaow!)

I remained on the bed for most of the day due to the inclement weather - can't be getting my Jimmy Choo kitten heels wet - can I?

Must dash, am up for a Mario Kart race with next doors Ginger Tom, oh the joys of WiFi!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Catnip


Miaow dearest readers,

I am not normally one for catnip - all that rolling around in it does nothing for my designer catsuits.

However ...................!

Last week the best friend of next doors Ginger Tom came back from Amsterdam with a HUGE bag of the finest Moroccan Skunk Catnip! I was invited around for some and was about to turn him down (well I was wearing my best Prada catsuit, miaow!) until he opened the bag! Well, I thought, Haggis Chops is obsessed with washing and ironing, so she can clean the catsuit. Within seconds of catching that high grade scent I was rolling on the floor fine style. Oh what fun the three of us had! I even got friendly with those pesky doves!!

After a couple of hours rolling in the 'nip! I finally found my way back through the fence, and strolled through the patio door giggling and declaring my undying love for Donna (she does it to Daddy every time she comes in reeking of her favourite Polish vodka, miaow!)

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, August 18, 2006

Haiku


Miaow beloved readers,

Thought I'd indulge myself today, and honour you all with three Haiku's I wrote last night.

I spit on my paw.
And wipe the dirt from my face.
Just like mom used to.

Whats that I hear?
The computer is dinging.
My butts on the what?

It keeps sticking out.
My tongue wont stay in my mouth.
I need bigger lips.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Donna home early!!


Miaow beloved readers,

My partee was a disaster, Donna arrived home Wednesday evening, not Thursday! Ian said he did advise me, but I was too self absorbed in licking my bottom to pay attention. The partee was just getting into full swing, the Bolly was flowing, the Pringles well recieved, and my spangled hot pants were the talk of all the boys. The Vicar was chatting to Mrs Moody about 'Dogging' (walking tips for dogs one presumes). Farmer Sheepshank was talking to Mr Guffy about 'Cottaging' (discussing allotments??) AND me and next doors Tom were smooching (Mmmm!)
The sound of a lound, drunken Scottish voice sent the fear of gawd through me! I peeped out the window and my worst fears were confirmed. As Donna was struggling to get the hotel mini bar she had stolen out of her car boot, I sensed I had a couple of minutes to act. All the guests were thrown into the garden, and told to hurdle 2 hedges down the street to the safety of main road (poor Vicar, at 93yrs old he had to crawl under the hedges!) all the Bolly and munchies were swept under the rug (never get noticed, It's Donna's Idea of housework!) A noise upstairs alerted my feline senses...Arrrgh Silas, the inbred kitten had gate crashed the partee! AND was armed with a Cat-lashneekov ex Soviet rifle!! I tried to reason with Silas, he just pointed the gun at me, and then lined Donna up in his sights once more. Some strange instinct took over...I dashed down the stairs, through the cat flap, and flung myself in front of Donna (just like the 'Body Guard', except Donna cant sing, and Ian is better looking than Kevin Costa-wots-his-name) A pop echoed round the street, a thump in my chest, as I landed in Donna's arms. My life flashed before my eyes, that must be my nine lives used up! I glanced down expecting to see my life blood draining away, Ohhh but miracle! the bullet had hit my 'Blue Peter badge (and in the process dislodged that stubbon furball!) I glanced to the window, Silas had fled...Yaaaay!
Donna was unaware of all of this, and just thought I had jumped into her arms through happiness at seeing her. I suppose I learnt a valuable lesson. When push comes to shove, Donna is family, and I'd put my life on the line for her.
Almost forgot to mention, those pesky Doves tried to gate crash the partee, but flew into the closed patio windows rendering themselves unconscious, MIAOW revenge is sweet. Must dash folks, my bullet proof Cat suit just arriving via Fedex!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

House Partee


Miaow dearest loyal readers,

Been suffering with morning sickness the last few days, NO I AM NOT PREGNANT! Most odd, just after my breakfast, which I devour in about a minute, I barf. Must admit feel sorry(ish) for Ian as he stands and watches me eat, with a copy of the Times (inside which is doubtless a girlie mag!) waiting to catch my vomit, as it tends to come straight back up. Yesterday I managed to keep breakfast down for 5 minutes, but I lasted just until I got to the patio, then Baaaarrrrffff! Ian was shocked 10 minutes later to see me eating the yummy warm chicken I had regurgitated (kept it all down) I tried to explain some basic cat facts too him, alas, he couldn't hear me due to the sound of his own retching! BUT yaaay!! I wasn't sick this morning. I am currently being treated for Furballs and Worms (the shame of it, a pedigree with Worms) I declined Donna's offer of ECT for my supposed mental health issues!
Well, anyhoe, Donna's away Today and Thursday, so have taken the chance to throw a small partee (neigbourhood elite, including the Vicar) got some fab munchies in, Salmon, Prawns, Scallop Vol Au Vonts, and some Prawn Cocktail flavour Pringles. 'Borrowed a couple of bottles of Donna's jolly Bolly (she wont miss a couple of Magnums from her extensive wine cellar, rather wine car boot!) Hope you like the picture of next doors Tom enjoying some Bolly at my birthday bash last year, man was he ill, I told him not to mix Bolly with Worming tablets and Valium! (Ohhh he's such a hunky reblel!) With Donna not back until Thursday, Plan to partee all tonight, and then get Ian to clear the chaos up on Thursday....She'll be none the wiser! Well must dash folks, gonna be a long job shoe horning myself into my new spangled hot pants! Cheers all!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Secret coded message for Scarlet!!

Miaow dearest readers,

(For Scarlets eyes only!)-----Start msg--The golden donkey is getting tarnished, the Arctic fox is turning brown, napalm sorted patio weeds, full moon at night, Rabbits will fight, regroup at Helipad, go home and be glad--End msg.
Sure you understood all that dearie (ahem) call me if your confused! Mwah, Mwah, bestest friend.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, August 14, 2006

Hogging the PC


Miaow devoted, avid readers,

Still have a sore nose, it took Ian 30 minutes, a crowbar, and a litre of extra virgin olive oil to get that kitchen devil knife unstuck! Still too shamefaced to venture onto the Savanna today, so just chilled on the bed (Ian's side!) and caught up on some Emails, which brings me to the point of this entry. I have been accused of HOGGING the PC! Gawd I only use it to write my Blog, Emails, and surfing cat sites containing 'adult material' Ian and Donna keep saying it's for research, banking, bill paying, etc (yawn!) Well get your OWN PC guys, or what about a Internet Cafe?? Ian is a fine one to talk, he decided to to convert the Hard drive from Fat32 to NTFS, spent half an evening faffing about doing it (4 hours researching and mulling it over, and 5 minutes for Windows XP to perform the task fault free for him) Hence my Monday Blog never got published, soooo sorry guys. Donna's away again! Tuesday and Wednesday night...she just cant wait to get away from me! Well must dash folks, just found a woodlouse (and crunchy tissues??) under Ian's pillow, Curiosity may have got the cat, I'm just plain nosy!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Vampire Bat suit!!


maiow dearest readers.

Well the quest to dislodge my latest furball into Donna's designer handbag failed, so I tried Ian's favourite shoes. Alas no joy there either, mee yew!

Those darn Doves caught wind of what I was trying to do and started to mock me from the garden fence. Well there was only one course of action that I could take and that was to don my own design vampire bat suit and take the pesky things down!! I decided to raid Ian's underwear drawer this time and found a pair of tight fitting black pants to use and lined them with a pair of Donna's pink cherry knickers that I found in there (I must ask why Donna's knickers were in his drawer, does he wear them I wonder? hmmmmm). Decided I would also need a beak to take the doves down and used a Kitchen Devil bread knife attached to my own nose with No More Nails.

Deciding the time was right I launched myself in their direction from the bedroom window but unfortunately I caught a thermal and whoosh I was blown four gardens down in the opposite direction and almost into the open jaws of a rather vicious Jack Russell (ouch!). Fortunately the beak saved me from his rabid jaws and I was left hanging from the fence by my beak. How those Doves were laughing at me, oh the shame of it all. News soon got around the neighborhood and every cat and Dove in my manor came to laugh at me. How could they they when I assert so much authority in my manor? I had to slink (casual as you like) back home listening to the snickering of all those cats and those DARN DOVES!!

There was only one thing for it - I had to take to my bed with a dozen Krispy Kreme Duffnuts (perhaps they will help the furball problem?). How will I ever live with the shame.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Lazy day


Miaow dearest readers,

Miaow, really was off colour today, darn furballs! Was sick three times, bed, kithen and lounge (Ian loved that cleaning job at 8.00am!) Spent almost all day curled up on the leather sofa, moving just to take advantage of the duckdown Duvet (freshley fluffed up by Donna) Damp and cool outside, so just no incentive to patrol my manor.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, August 11, 2006

Cousin Charlie


Miaow avid readers,

Cousin Charlie is a hard one to explain, but I'll do my bestest.
Charlie was Ian and Auntie Lizzie's pet Peke (darn yappy dwarf dogs!) Charlie popped of to the the big boneyard in the sky 20 years ago, but his personality and influence over our lives is as strong as ever. Ian and Lizzie decided he hadn't died, just gone away on business. AND what a thriving business he's built up! Money lending (loan shark), money laundering, and influencing world politics, he has the ear of George Bush and Tony Bair, and is generally an international man of action. He has a sidekick, a peroxide, permed Poodle, called Mindy. Charlie has his international offices at Ian and Donna's house, called Meglomaniac towers, built from NASA light reflecting/bending glass, to render the 40 km high building virtually invisible to the naked eye. A high speed rail link leads to his London office (in Lizze's flat) which has a Dental surgury as a cover. Charlie appears in most of Scarlet and my Emails. It's Kinda funny, but weired as it may sound, I've got so used to it, I believe it all now.
There are so many tales I'll tell you about Charlie, included bitting Ian's lip in two, and causing Ian great embarassment as a Teenager to him, by frantically sniffing the crotch of every girl he bought home, and terrorising all his male friends. My how you'll laugh at these jocular tales. Well must dash for now folks, going to try to dislodge this furball in Donna's Handbag.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Cat Tick


Miaow dearest readers,

What an awfull day! you may recall I mentioned that while Donna was away, I indulged myself in some Flea scratching near her pillow? I wondered how they would get on with Donna's Crabs, Lice, etc? MUTANTS have bred, miaow!! This football size monster was found by Ian while he groomed my silky fur, ATTACHED to moi!! just under the chin.. gawd I was near to fainting with the horror of it all. Ian explained it was a Tick, not a mutant flea/crab, and that it had most likley found it's way to me via a hedgey hoggy thingie. I had been off colour a day or two, so Ian, fearing Lymes disease decided a surprise vet trip for the correct removal and check up was in order (joy, I'd have yanked it off with summit out of Donna's make up bag!) Any-hoe off to see the charming Cassie at the Vets (BS HONS Animal torture) Mutant removed in 30 seconds, followed by a quick jab (no Valium, bah!) and home 1 hour later, and with Ian's wallet £40 lighter.
It goes without saying I will milk this for all I can...Hmmm? do you fake mild Lymes Disease symptoms?? Must dash Guys, gotta buff up on the "Good Cat Health Guide"

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Ian's Money trees


Miaow dear readers,

Well Donna's back from her trip to Birmingham, I was, to my surprise rather pleased to see her. She was very tired, so we didn't get much time to talk (read-me being nagged and moaned at)
It's Ian I'm getting worried about, both he and Donna are addicted to Animal crossing, on the the Nintendo DS (Donna's other addictions have been well documented by me!) Ian has worked out how to grow money trees, he planted 2 small test trees, both of which are growing. He became overconfident, and after much testing, planted about half his savings, 100,000 bells (Duh!) expecting to grow a tree that every 3 days would fruit 300,000 bells. IT DIED! boy, he was close to tears! Even I could have told him that even planted in the correct place, watered daily, 25% of trees die (ahem..not that I play this Kiddie game!) Of course he sought my counsel, and I advised 5x 20,000 bell trees to spread the risk. In his wisdom he took my advice, his joy was unfounded this morning when 4 out of 5 trees had taken! that will give him 60,000 bells every three days in about a week, as long as watered daily. His little eyes just said "Kerrching!" He wont be happy until he has an orchard of 1,000,000 bell trees. I fear he is turning into a meglomaniac (like cousin Charlie, more on him another time) he is already strutting round the island doing his best to look like Fidel Castro. GUYS!! it's a video game!!
If your reading Scarlet, any goss on the " Croyden patio body"? if it was you, I told you before that concrete boots in any M25 roadworks section is far safer!
Must dash folks, need my hit on Super Mario Bros.

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Cats away, so mice can play!


Miaow my dear devoted readers,

Well the cat (Donna) is away, so the mouse (moi) can play! having just a fabbo day guys! Started the day with a lazy doze on Donna's side of the bed, had a darn good scratch in situ, saw a couple of cat fleas sneak under Donna's pillow (sure they will make good friends with Donna's Lice, Crabs etc!) Spent most of the day trying on Donna's clothes, and reading her diary...Woooo! never knew Ian was such a love-god!! Soon as Ian was home, put my 'Lil lost kitten' eyes on (never fails) and within minutes we were tucking into Honey roast ham, Turkey off the bone, and Cheese Hula-Hoops...Mmmm! He even let me lick his Ice Cream bowl clean. Have to admit it was slightly rich, Tesco Finest, topped with condensed milk and Mexican Honey (guess who's idea that was!) After that we settled to watch The Discovery Channel and BBC News 24, it made a very pleasant change from the endless Soaps, Reality TV crap, and Cartoons I normally have to endure.
I've changed Donna's password on the PC to "Hefelumph" so she cant read this, I'm sure the Civil Service dont have PC's (all funding spent on providing their 'modest' pension!) Well must dash folks, Celebrity Love Island On Ice about to start!!!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, August 07, 2006

Me as a kitten!


Miaow dearest readers,

Firstly a huge thanks to my bestest friend Scarlet, who sent be such a moving Email, got me all loved up! (I kinda like to hang with her, as the hunky guys always pick me, ha ha!)
I was searching in Donna's Vodka drawer for some, ahem, umm, yes! wool to play with, when I stumbled across this old picture of me as a kitten! It was taken in Norway, just outside Bergen, on a crisp March Morning. You will of course notice at once that since living here in Blighty I have not lost my Norwgian Forest cat looks! My Sister Poppy took the picture, just after I had snaffled myself a rutting Elk single pawed (I'm sure if you look right at the bottom of the photo you can just see the Elks entrails) What a day we had!!
Soon after this photo was taken, Poppy followed her dreams and joined the Royal Norwgian Mounted Forest Cat Patrol (kinda like the Canadian Mounties) I in turn followed my dreams and stowed away on a Herring factory trawler bound for Bridlington, to become either a supermodel or a 'kept' cat, acheiving both was a bonus!
Donna is away on business in Birmingham tonight, so I'll soon have Ian wrapped around my little claw, and I'm confident my normal quality rations will be restored.
Must dash folks, the rain has stopped, and the suburban Savanna awaits it's most feared predator!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Sunday, August 06, 2006

My bestest friend, Scarlet.


Miaow avid readers,

Hi Guys! still feeling a bit sheepish after yesterdays appology to Donna, but the barbed wire is off-Yaaaay! perhaps I should not be quite as rude to Donna (She can use a can opener!)
I want to introduce you to my bestest friend in the whole wide world (after Ian, Donna, Lizzie, Abi, and the fishmonger!) This svelte, sexy, size 6 automotive device is SCARLET, she lives with Auntie Lizzie in London, and I love her to death..Mwah, Mwah! We have been on so many madcap adventures together, too many to tell you about now. Compared to Lizzie, Scarls is mentally stable(ish) suffering only with Social Phobia and incontinence (we always go out with a pack of 'Lady Tenor Maxi') Who would have thought a Cat and a Car could be bestest friends? mind you who would have thought that Cheese is very palatable with fruit cake!
Must dash folks, my 'Netto economy Whale and bonemeal mix' supper is ready....Mmmm! Trust me it tastes better than Haggis's Rough Oatcakes!

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Cheap Cat food!


Miaow dear readers,

Whoops, I've been caught! Further evidence has come to light regarding the recent vomiting incident. CCTV evidence shows that it was infact me and not Donna who ate the biscuits and pebble dashed the freshly laundered bedding with projectile vomit. Imagine my shame! Particularly as I had publicly accused Donna and was not particularly polite about it. The love letters and kinky underwear hidden in Donna's knicker (sorry, vodka!) drawer were sent to CSI for analysis and Grisom's invstigation proved her innocence and my clear guilt.

I would here by like to publicly apologise to old haggis chops for any embarassment and distress caused. Hopefully the barbed wire will be untangled from me now and the shoe cupboard door opened! Although I appreciate the cheap moggy nosh will continue for a day or so!

Yours humbly

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, August 04, 2006

Sorry Guys


Miaow all,

I've had to turn word verification on, sorry guys, keep getting the same spam message from the same spammer "Here are some links you may be interested in", all links to fake diploma's, medication, betting etc. Sorry for the extra effort effort involved to post a comment, (but boy, am I worth it!!) I loathe spammers, more that a surprise visit to the vet!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Mystery solved!


Miaow dear avid readers,

Well the dry food mystery is solved! Using all my cunning, and skills I've learnt off CSI Miami, I came to the obvious outcome. It was Donna who ate the food. Donna who was sick, and then framed me. Reliable witness statments testify she has been seen near the bowl in the past. Hair samples found (gawd, talk about grease and split ends!) near the bowl are a perfect match for Donna's. SHE has the motive, she's jealous of my looks and brains, figure, AND She has a taste for Scottish rough Oatcakes (NOT unlike GoCat Tuna and Herring flavour) that rubber stamps the verdict beyond reasonable doubt! revenge will be ohh soooo very sweet. Off to 'plant' some mens underwear and fake love letters in her knicker drawer for Ian to find...MIAOW!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Cat Vomit!


Miaow beloved readers,

Can you imagine my joy when Donna purchased this super frock for me! it says "Daddies little star" on the back too! I was sooo excited, near to wetting myself. I was just about to try it on, and impress next doors hunky Ginger Tom, when my little Kitty world fell apart...it wasn't mine!!! but for my neice Abi, meeeyooow! Not that I begrudge gifts for Abi, She's cuter than a huge slice of Banoffee pie and maple syrup, and me and my best friend Scarlet have worked our claws and tyres (Scarlet is Lizzie's car) to the bone knitting socks, gloves, mittens, and in Scarlets case, wing mirror warmers..Duh! But I was heart broken. You will notice the big 1/2 price sticker, well that's Donna all over, MIAOW!
Ever since my major (ahem!) surgery, for some reason I haven't been eating dry food out of my bowl, if it's put on the floor I'll wolf it down, it's mystified Donna and Ian (me also to be honest!) Last night, after a pleasant meal of Salmon in Seafood sauce, I retired to bed with Ian and Donna and promptly dozed off. I have no memory of eating dry food in the night, but the bowl was half empty when I woke (must of been that sexy Ginger Tom!) and the bed was covered with projectile cat vomit, needless to say I got the blame as usual. Took a while to clear that mess up I can tell you, nasty atmosphere (and smell) in house when the Humans left. Decided to lay low, and figure out this mystery!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Pizza


Miaow my dear readers,

Is it just me, or do other people/cats etc struggle to grasp a takeaway Pizza menu? I was checking our local 'Domino's' menu to see if Mice, Dragonflies, Frogs, or moths were on the extra topping list yet (noooo! when will they cater for cats??) I cant make head or tail of the menu. "All large Pizza'a 2 for £10", "Any medium Pizza just £7.99", "Free wedges and nuggets with all orders over £10" none of the offers can be used in conjunction, and the offers contridict themselves!! So mad could just bite Donna right now!!
No Email off Auntie Lizzie this week (Drunk again), no presents off Donna (Presumed drunk), nothing off Ian either, but I'll forgive him, he's not been well.
Well it's turning into another dreadfull day (do I moan too much?) too cool and showery to go out, so just lounging of the bed all day. God, pass the Valium I feel depressed. Glad I could share all that with you, it's good to burden other people with your problems (so Donna and Lizzie say)

Love and Purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx



Love and purrs Muffin-willow xxx