The Ramblings of a Housecat

Monday, July 31, 2006

Hottest July-Phew!


Miaow all,

Was going to tell you all about Frogs and Dragonflies, but cant upload picture again!! (whoops, sorry, on editing the post it let me upload picture) SO doing my 'Im not just a pretty face' weather report for July 2006.
July 2006 was the warmest month ever recorded in in the U.K, beating the previous record jointly held by July 1983 and August 1995, with a screen mean of 17.8c, 0.5c above previous record. Sunshine was 50% over the July average. Germany also recorded it's warmest month on record..mmm warm beer!
Here in Raunds (south-east midlands) we recorded a screen average max of 26.9c, average minimum 14.8c (overall mean 20.9c) rain 38.7mm (most of this fell in two downpours towards the end of the month, I got caught in both!!) it was also very sunny, nearly 270 hours for the month-should have used sun screen I know!
Sorry for all the serious, non cat information, but I'm not just a dumb Kitty you Know!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-willow xxx

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Migraine (2)


Maiow dearest readers!

Glad to report my Blogging now working again (or rather Ian's Migraine finally permits him to carry out basic tasks for me, such as write my blog!)
WHAT a day yesterday was, Ian couldn't sleep due to his alledged migraine. He spent most of the night sitting downstairs, head in hands, saying he just wanted to die (trust me, I offered to help!) He finally went to bed at 06.30am, after pulling a 'sickie' at work. He was fast asleep when Donna woke at 07.00am, she left him to sleep. In her haste to get to work, she neglected to unlock the cat flap or feed me. Ian eventually woke at 13.30pm, and by the time he realised the time (and could remember his name!) it was 14.00pm. I was so hungry, I had licked the kitchen floor to a shine, and just couldn't keep my legs crossed any longer! AT LAST nourishment came my way, gobbled the lot in under a minute-perhaps Ian was really ill, I didn't get the normal lecture about eating to fast and vomiting in the laundry basket. Freedom was achieved at 14.30pm, just uncrossed my legs...ohhhh the relief, I'm sure next doors flower bed enjoyed the free moisture and compost as much..he,he,he Miaow!
Today was back to normal (if this home can ever be called that) Spent most of day chilling under the fence, but cooler again at 26c, for me to lounge in the sun early and late, bliss. Just come in for supper, it's raining at last..Yaay! All the mice and frogs will be strutting their stuff all over my Manor tommorrow, I'll be sure to bag a a few mice, who knows, maybe a trophy Buffalo! Must dash, think I've got a sensual brushing session on the way....Hmmmm!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Friday, July 28, 2006

Migraine

Miaow all!

Cant blog today, Ian has a "terminal" migraine (minor headache, huh guys?) I dictate to him on my blog (well you cant type with claws like mine!) tell you all about it tommorrow folks.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin Willow xxx

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Humans!


Miaow guys.

I promised not to post a picture of Ian and Donna, a cat's word is it's bond you know!, but after the day I've had, I seem to recall having my claws crossed behind my back for that one promise, he, he, miaow. Been in, out, in, out, in out, all day due to thunderstorms, at least it was cooler today at 27c, but gawd was it sticky.
Ian (on the right!) shows all the signs of a man having a nap after a long, hard day at work. Donna meanwhile has a look of a typical Civil Servant who has spent all day at work auditing paper clips, colour matching elastic bands, reading 'Heat' and 'OK' magazines, discussing soaps and reality TV shows with her like minded Servants of the crown. (a three hour lunch break at a trendy wine bar also, no doubt) she is without doubt roaring drunk in this picture! Hiiiissss!!! They both slept after work today from 6pm until 10pm, leaving an ailing kitty without food. Thank gawd I was able to prise open the fridge with a crowbar and a spot of elbow grease. I ended up dining on smoked Salmon, Turkey breast, and a few squirts of tinned cream (straight into my mouth!) Serve the pair of them right.
Must dash folks, just been called for my supper!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Flying Squirrel suit!


Miaow my beloved readers.

Just a quick post today, sorry fans! Just too hot and sticky for words, 30c again at 1pm, FED UP, want normal English weather to return. Earlier I decided to go after those darn Doves that keep mocking me. Quickly knocked up a Flying Squirrel suit out of 'No More Nails' and a pair of Donna's smaller knickers that Ian must of shrunk in the wash. With great stealth I mounted the Apple tree and used all my cunning and timing to wait for the right moment to launch my self at the Doves, who where smooching away on the fence. POUNCE! hit the floor like a sack of spuds, darn gravity and poor quality knickers, lucky Sir Isaac Newton wasn't underneath! The Doves were in hysterics of course, I mumbled somthing about a "scientific experiment" and casual as you like, sneaked back indoors...Bah!! Next time..... Perhaps cats are not supposed to fly (except on British Airways First Class, or a dose of Morphine!!)

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Morphine


Miaow all,

Sure you'll be delighted to hear I'm just about back to 'normal' Thanks for the get well comments posted, made an arthritic old cat feel all loved up. If you read my post yesterday, ignore the bit about a fight between a shew and a giraffe (Morphine induced fantasy) I kinda hoped they might send me home with some.. all I got was Antibiotics, huh! not even any Valium pre-med, darn Vets, AND they kept my tooth! so no windfall due from the tooth fairy! Suffering in the heat again, 32c as I write dear readers. Spent most of the day just hanging out under the hedge keeping cool and watching the flora and fauna do as they wish with my manor, gawd revenge is gonna be so sweet!!
With having only two upper fangs, I do look a tad like Dracula (I'm available for any Pantomimes etc, just contact me.) just need a dark cloak and the pesky kids around here will be popping Xanax before they know what hit them ( after a short stay in the E.R.. Miaow!)
Ian and Donna home soon, so a spot of Turkey is on the cards, I just hope Donna is sober enough to cut it up, must tell her boss at the Pension office about that litre 100% proof Polish potato vodka she keeps in her desk at work.. or maybe blackmail, hmmmm?

Love and purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, July 24, 2006

Tooth removed, Yaaay!!!


Miaow all,

Just quick post, tooth removed, heavens the relief, home recovering on the patio. Tell you the full story, including the fight at the Vet's between a Giraffe and a shew, awesome! Just soooo good to be home! So pleased to see Ian and Donna (never thought I'd say that, maiow!!)

Love and purrs.

Muffin-willow xxxx

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Vets


(by the Author)

I'm writting on Muffin-Willow's behalf, due to her overnight stay at vet's. Poor Muffin's toothache became much worse overnight and during this morning. A call to Keyvet ensued, and an appointment made for 4pm (out of hours fee £11o.oo!) By the time we got her highness to the surgery the cause of the toothache was clear, her remaining lower canine was protruding from her jaw at a 90 degree angle. The Vet advised the tooth needed to be removed at once, and her remaining two upper teeth checked. We left Muffin (who, although stroppy, was looking forward to her Valium pre-med!) at 4.30pm. Got a call from Vets at 6.30pm to advise Muffin awake, tooth removed, and remaining upper fangs still ok! She's staying in overnight for observation, and will be ready to come home 11am tomorrow. House very quiet without her, will be thinking of her.

Sweet dreams Muffin-willow.

Ian and Donna.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Thunderstorm


Miaow all,

Just a quick post today, have awful toothache in my remaining lower fang, pain has been quite dreadfull, haven't even bothered to eat today. We had a stunning thunderstorm today. At 2.30pm me, Donna, and Ian were enjoying the clear blue skies, sweating like little piggies in 31c of humid heat, by 3.00pm, the skies had darkened to the colour of my mood! Donna said should we shut the blinds etc, Ian stood and glanced south to assess the chance of imminent rain, at that moment the thunder rolled all around us, and we fled in terror up the garden after viewing swirling clouds and a blur of rain about 1/4 mile away. We just made it indoors before the rain hit, THEN the wind!! wow, what a down draft from a storm, so strong it actually blew the blinds off two windows! it went as dark as night, and the temperature fell from 31c to 18c in less than 30 mins.... so exiting, for me anyway! All cleared and sunny again by 5pm.
In the garden currently, trying to find somewhere to rest my throbbing jaw.

Love and purrs

Muffin-willow xxx

Friday, July 21, 2006

Gerbil scratching post has use..Yay!


Miaow my beloved readers, (and Donna too!)
Managed to upload my picture FIRST time today, Blogger, your off my hit list, pity, just sharpened my claws with an angle grinder today, hey ho, I'm sure Ian or Donna will get the chance to feel them.
Not as hot 30.5c yesterday, and 30c as I write now. This brings me to tne point of my post, I've found a use for my 'Gerbil scratching post'...Yaay! being cunningly positioned by the french windows, it affords not only a comfortable, cool napping spot, but also stunning views of the back garden (should a stray Antelope pass!) Ian is off work today, can you believe that Donna asked him to play her Animal Crossing at dead on 11am, as Barbara the sheep was due to visit for a tea morning... Duh.. get real guys!! It will be fun seeing Ian explain he dozed off and didn't do it anyway, miaow, ha,ha,ha.
What with all the windows open at night, and lights on (god forbid Donna couldn't lay her hands on her 3 litre bottle of White lightning cider (7.5% ABV) at 5am!) the house is full of Moths, Beetles,mayflies and just about any other insect you'd find on landfill site. I am supposed to catch these according to my housecat contract! like, no way guys, thats what flypaper and swatters were invented for! I need a new Solicitor!!
Well must dash guys, just going to catch a re-run of the BBC's fab 'Big cat dairy' next doors Ginger Tom has hinted that there is content of an 'ADULT' nature on it, mmm, Miaow!

Love and purrs Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Miaow wot a scorcher!!!

Miaow all,
Just about to attack Ian's PC with a jigsaw and power drill, cant upload a picture today, miaow! Blogger beware, my nickname 'aint Tungsten claws for nothing! please fix this darn diddly problem, there, I've said it, you guys got me mad. I've cleared my chocolate cookies, deleted my cache thingie, enabled expresso script... still no joy. Any how, yesterday was sooo hot guys, we broke the UK July maximum (fanfare) 36.5c in Wisley in Surrey, Ian's weather station recorded 35.1c (I felt like lighting a bonfire under his stevenson screen so he recorded like 70c, maiow ha, ha, ha,) I was so hot I didn't bother going out until 8.30pm last night. I have put the odd pound on, and upon refection, wearing thermals under my catsuit was perhaps not wise! Ohhh how those Doves and Pigeons mocked me as I battled in vain to get my catsuit off with Swarfega and a large shoe horn.... revenge will be sweet my feathered chicken nuggets!
Donna is back from her course at BT in Staffs, welcomed her back with open jaws! She was away 2 days and didn't write once, or bring me a gift of a fishy nature. She then hogged the bed all night, forcing me to sleep in the cupboard under the sink, such indignity! Mind you she left without her mobile phone today, so good chance to run up a hefty bill with the Japanese talking clock, and Rolf Harris (he loves cats!)
Really must dash, cooler this morning, and those darn birds are living on borrowed time! Hope to post picture again tommorrow (Blogger.. hisssssss, you have been warned, Bill gates wouldn't have this problem!)

Love and Purrs to all,

Muffin-Willow xxxx

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Heatwave


Miaow all,

Remain ratty due to the excessive heat, 33c again today, this picture shows just how yellow Englands 'Green and pleasant land' is! When I moved here from my native Norway I was expecting rain by the bucket load, hence only packed my normal wet weather catsuit, ohhh how I wish I'd packed a bikini and flip flops!
Donna is away on a training course in Staffordshire, so I have half the bed to my self, no more playing twister at the foot of the bed..yaay!
Ian has yet to work out the relationship between the laundry basket, washing machine, and iron. I swear he thinks the laundry pixies take all he throws on the floor, and magically make it appear back in the wardrobe washed and ironed a day later...Men..Duh!!
Must dash dears, having another Homicidal thought..yaay, off to find Ian's tender feet and ankles!
Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxxxx

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Animal Crossing Nintendo DS


Miaow all,

Hot and irritable today, 30c, Ian say's weather man forcasting 35c for Wednesday... how I long for the cool misty Norwegian forests at times. QUESTION..
Are my 34 and 41 year old Humans the only people addicted to this strange game? They spend as much time chasing bugs, fish,digging for fossils, and building their dream homes as they do in the real world. Any comments appreciated. Thank you, a confused cat. ps Donna's in a strop because she doesn't know if she's won today's "Bug-off" insect catching contest in the game! Like duh!

Love and Purrs

Muffin-willow xxxx

Saturday, July 15, 2006

My Niece Abi


Miaow my beloved readers,

Had a fab day today, sunny all day, 22c, with a cooling easterly breeze, perfect for just pottering around.. yay!
My honorary neice Abi visited today, she's 5 months old and as as cute as apple pie with clotted cream topped with 100's and 1000's. She's the baby of Donna's cool brother David, and his fabbo wife Kim.. ACE guys, they wanted me to be a god parent, but I lead such a busy life, I wouldn't have been able to do Abi justice in that role, so settled on honorary Auntie ( a bit like settling for a OBE insted of Damehood!) We had such fun together, made me feel quite maternal. It's funny that Abi can eject bodily fluids from every orifice and never a cross word is spoken, it's just "oh has Abi-waby done a plop plop etc. I make one small error of judgement with the litter tray and Donna wraps me in barbed wire and locks me in the shoe cupboard for days without food or water, or until she's sober(ish) again!
Just come in for the night now, only 11c, feeling a bit chilly. Must dash guys, Abi's gloves and scarves wont knit themselves folks.

Love and purrs

Muffin-Willow xxx

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Gerbil scratching post!!!!!


Miaow and purrs to all,

Keeping my feet firmly on the floor following my first picture published in a paper, just been daydreaming in the sun of the fame and wealth to come.
To celebrate my fame, Ian and Donna purchased a new cat scratching post cum lounger for me... NOT the one I wanted! Saw my dream climber in 'Petsmart'. God it was perfect, 4 levels, real wool snoozing hoops, a cool den on the top..wow! I ended up with this 'thing' not only is it far to small for a svelte 7.7kg Prima Donna puss, the materials.. nylon, acrylic, polyester! no REAL WOOL to suck! The real sickener is that I would have got my dream climber, EXCEPT it was blue and it clashed with the carpet, I cant believe they didn't just change the carpet. Perchance, if anyone needs a climber for a needy Gerbil, Rat, or small child, please contact me, it's yours (buyer collects!)
Must dash guys, my Smoked Salmon is getting warm.

Love and purrs Muffin-Willow xxxxx

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Best day ever


WHAT A DAY !!!!
About a week ago, Ian sent a picture of my feline perfection to our local evening paper the "Northants Evening Telegraph" as they were running a competition for pet pictures, It's on my "Dental Floss problems" post, guess what? I won..Yay!!! Ian purchased about 20 copies of the paper (that will double the circulation!)
A whole new career now beckons me. Promotional work for tootpaste companies, sugar free drinks, (the need for regular dental check up's!) Muffin-Willow the Parfum, the clothing range, a place on "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" heck might even fit in Richard and Judy! But I wont change, maiow no!! still be the respectfull polite cat that people know.
Must dash luvvies, I have Gucci on hold for me. Sweet dreams all.

Love and purrs Muffin-Willow

Sooo touched!!!!!


Miaow all,

Just so touched this morning! two people have left comments on my Blog!, can you believe it, and both polite, thank you all so much. It's this kind of thing that gives an overweight arthritic cat a warm glow and a love for humanity.
Included a picture of me comforting Donna after a bad day at the office (think her boss found her copy of Playgirl and 4 pack of Blue Wicked!)

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Monday, July 10, 2006

Scots Highland Gathering


Maiow all,

Found this old Camfone picture of me when I first moved in with daddy.. Look what he's done to my figure!!! I've gone from a dress size 6 to 14!! all that turkey and smoked salmon I've been forced fed...Mewl!! Weekend quiet for me, much cooler, low 20's and breezy, ideal for sauntering about scaring butterflies. Ian and Donna went to the Highland gathering in Corby on Sunday (Poor Donna is from north of the wall) Donna didn't take her hip flask..yay! but a litre of Aldi Scotch in a discreet brown paper bag (ahem!) Good time was had by all, shame the wind kept blowing the tents over.. he he! Ian caused shame on all by signing a petition in favour of an English Parliament at a promotional stall, can you believe the Highland gathering rented a stall to us southern softies?. Soon got bored with "Ya know, 86% of the U.K population live in England, but 32% of treasury funds for Social care go to... etc, blah, rant. I think Donna used the leaflet for toilet tissue in the end ( hope she didn't get paper cuts)
Auntie Lizzie didn't call last night after her trip to the health farm. The only logical explanation is that her Booze and Valium problem was so bad, that she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, poor Lizzie, a Civil service Junkie... Ohh and Donna too.
Moths seen = 0, Moths caught =0, small children seen seen 34, small children terrorised =34, homicidal thoughts =34, homicidal actions =2 ( Beetles, not children!). Must dash, just about to embelish new carpet with tastefull muddy paw prints.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxxxx

Friday, July 07, 2006

Sabre Toothed Black Panther outfit


Miaow all,

Finally got my Sabre Tooth Tiger dentures, yay!! Couldn't find a wash out jet black hair colour, so used Ian's black shoe polish (any hints for how to remove shoe polish from new carpets guys?) Spent whole day spreading fear among small children, moths, sheep... what a hoot! Hoping that I can get shoe polish out of fur with swarfega and Donna's new Cashmere top.
Cat flap still not repaired, on the verge of attacking the front door with a Jigsaw and fitting the damn thing myself. At least I can wind Ian and Donna up by rolling in 1am or so, leaving them waiting on the sofa for me!
Auntie Lizzie off work for a few days, gone to some posh health farm for a break (from the booze and Valium I assume)
Donna furious I 'borrowed' her 4 pack of smirnoff ice, once her DT's had worn off and she'd calmed down she settled on Jonnie Walker on her Rice Crispies instead. Ohh well, I suppose I should go in (I'm posting this on Ian's PSP on WiFi, I assume it's waterproof!) and see what tasty morsels are being served for midnight meal tonight.

Love and Purrs,

Muffin-Willow xxx

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Me Hot and fed up!


This picture caputures my mood perfectly, HOMICIDAL!
Too hot, hungry, unloved, taken for granted, ugly, tearfull.
Perhaps my PMT is still affecting me? Did this post in 'Lippy pink' to cheer myself up...ohhh also got a 200g bar of Cadbury dairy milk, and borrowed, ahem, a 4 pack of Donna's 'Smirnoff Ice' What will she put on her Rice Crispies in The morning, he he he, miaow!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-willow

A little of my background

Miaow all,

Thought I'd Indulge myself with a little of how I came to live with Ian and Donna (in Fort Knox!).
Ian's last cat companion Poppy died in March 2005, he swore blind he'd never have another cat. But we cats have a way of always finding a way back into your life! Ian contacted the great people at Cat Protection and asked to re-home a cat (He has his good points!) After a week he got a call to say they had ME! they quite seriously warned Ian that I was a fab cat, but challenged facially (I only have 3 teeth, and gum problems) and would involve regular vet trips, and a lot of commitment. Soon as Ian saw me he fell in love with me and agreed to re-home me asap! I moved in 3rd April 2005. I thought he was ok, if a bit ugly, and going bald. (but hey, what cat is going to turn down a meal ticket!)
Ian had really wanted a female cat, but my name was Marvin Enzo, he changed this to Muffin-Willow and has always treated me like a girl ( a princess to be honest)...... I get confused sometimes!!! need to check my Insurance documents to fathom this out (they burnt in the house fire last October, ahem! more on that later) so I guess I must be a girlie, I mean I love lippy and handbags, also pink is my fav colour
Too hot again yesterday at 30c, spent most of day sleeping under fence. My cat flap not replaced yet! good job Ian or Donna at home most of day.
Mice seen = 0, mice caught =0, moths seen = 1000's, moths caught hmmm, maybe a couple, homicidal thoughts =2, homicidal actions =0, yay!!

Love and purrs,

Muffin-willow

Monday, July 03, 2006

Broken cat flap!!


Miaow all,

Disaster struck last night, my all sing all dancing infra-red cat flap broke! there was nothing wrong with my old one, except I admit fitting my 7.7kg frame through was a struggle at times. Donna and Ian will only let me out when they are around through the patio doors (the tradesmans entrance!) I feel trapped! Last night the pair of them had kittens just because I rolled in at 1.50am, they were waiting up on the sofa to let me in so they could go to bed. Luckily they are on holiday next week so I live in hope the cat flap will be replaced, and someone will supervise the patio doors 24/7!
Too Hot again today, 31c and sunny, didn't bother going out until 7pm, had great fun chasing moths, evening ruined only by the resident Doves taunting me from the Apple tree, time for the air pistol methinks! Donna went to vist her charming mother this afternoon, came home with loads of yummy food, and smelling of Gin as usual.
Auntie Lizzie called this evening, GOD!, I couldn't get a word in edgeways, sure she'd been on the Valium and Vodka again. Frightning to think she is involved in making National Lottery grants, I'm sure most of it goes to Asda value vodka!
Must dash, my supper is just being served, Tesco Finest Chicken in Jelly! Yum!

Love and purrs Muffin-Willow xxxx

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Not just a pretty face!!


Miaow all,

Just a little weather information for you all. ( I'm not just a pretty face guys!)

June 2006. Ave maximum 22.6, Average minimum 11.6c, rain 11.4mm. (less than 1/2 an inch, who says it rains in England all the time!
For us this was a very dry, sunny and warmer than normal June.

(All readings taking on the humans households weather equipment)

ps too hot for me, sunny 27c and really humid at noon, retired behind sofa in the draft from the patio windows.

Purrs to all,

Muffin-willow xxx